PooGrin | Work at home mom blog – WAHM blog

One and done

Posted on 22. Jun, 2010 by Deb Plunkett in Grins, Guilt

I should warn you; this statement seems to come as a shock to many so brace yourself:

I can say with 99.9% certainty that I am done having babies, or I guess I should say baby. As in, we have one and now we’re done. This little family of three feels just right to me.

Oh, the horror! Say it isn’t so!

Was it a rough pregnancy? Did something happen during labor? Did you guys have a hard time getting pregnant the first time? Oh, was she a difficult, colicky baby?  Is it because she’s in the terrible twos right now? These are just a few of the (somewhat annoying) questions I often have to field. Not that I mind when they come from people I’m close to, but more often they seem to come unsolicited from strangers. I even got the “it’s time to start working on the next one” comment from the freakin’ pest control guy today! Really? What the hell does it matter to him how many times my husband and I choose to reproduce?!?! Just spray for bugs and move on, please! Who’s the real pest here? Ugh.

Not that I truly feel any obligation to answer those who ask, but no, I had a very easy pregnancy (even if I wasn’t one of those women who feel their most beautiful with a bun in the oven – can you hear the click-clack of my eyes rolling around right now?); delivery was by no means easy but it wasn’t traumatic, either; our daughter has been nothing short of a dream baby and a wonderful toddler; and, no, there were no problems getting out of the starting gate… just to clear the air there.

Then there’s the “well-meaning” mom of eight I ran into at the park the other day, trying to convince a woman she literally just met that having an only child is somehow mean and selfish. Do you think I haven’t considered the argument that my husband and I will someday be gone and then my daughter will have no one? Weak. Is that even a legitimate reason to bring another person into this world – so my daughter can have a playmate and someone to watch mom and dad grow old with? Does having siblings somehow ensure that you’ll never have a lonely moment ever in your life?

Here’s how I see it:

My plan is to help this little child learn good social skills and grow up to be a kind, caring and intelligent adult. I hope this translates into many fulfilling relationships. She’ll have best friends that will feel like sisters or brothers to her. She has cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It’s not like she’s being raised in complete solitude just because she’s an only child. And someday (hopefully a day that won’t come too quickly), she’ll find a life partner and likely have a family of her own, the size of which will be their choosing. Isn’t that who will be there for her when we no longer are?

Will she look back and wish she had a brother or sister in her life, someone to complain about mom and dad with, someone to have her back no matter what? Possibly. But will she know that she was loved and appreciated just as much as any other kid? Most definitely.

Sometimes I start to feel like there may be something wrong with me because so few people seem to share my feelings on having just one kid. There are many reasons for my husband and I coming to the conclusion that we’re good on the kid front but the important thing is that we agree on it. We’re very happy with the status quo. I love being a mom more than anything and I’ve enjoyed every phase of the journey so far, but I never get that pang when I see a baby that I want to do it again.

I know I left the door open a sliver with my 99.9% assuredness of being done so I’ll never say never. But, for now, life is perfect just the way it is. Anyone else out there happy to be a mom of one? Do you get people trying to convince you all the time that you HAVE to have more?