PooGrin | Work at home mom blog – WAHM blog

My son gave birth…

Posted on 05. Nov, 2009 by Andy Ptacek in Adventures with poop

I think it’s only appropriate that my first post be about, what else, poop. The other night I was having a traumatic experience when my son, Tavin, seemed to have pooper that was too small for the poop inside.

He had been trying all day to get one out and busy me, I was repeatedly relieved when I took him to the changing table to find no poop to deal with. When dinnertime rolled around he was really starting to get mad as he strained and refused any food. So I took him to the changing table once again to do some research and development on the issue at hand. It was then that I was horrified to see that his butt-hole had literally disappeared as it was stretched to the max and I could actually see the poop inside trying to get out.

I quickly scooped him up and went to the fridge to grab the number for the pediatrician hot-line. As I waited for a nurse to return my call, I plopped my screaming baby into the tub because it was the first thing I could think of that might relive the pain and possibly soften that enormous turd. I saw some tiny poop floaters start to surface so I took him out of the tub and sat him on a towel that was on my lap and let his butt hang between my legs, like I was a human toilet and the towel was to catch the poop. He tried to make the most of it, but began to cry harder so back into the tub he went.

As he crawled around in the warm water crying and pushing, the seconds seems to pass like hours, as anyone who’s heard a crying baby can relate to. So I called my husband, who ALWAYS seems to be working when shit hits the fan, and he suggested cutting up a suppository and using that. I tried explaining that if I put one of those things up his butt I would be sticking it into the poop because I can physically SEE it up there. He proceeded to calmly explain to me that it would “melt” the poop and help it come out. So I agreed.

Now, I’ve always had negative feelings about those things like gross, sick, ewww; but, this was my son and I had to do what needed to be done. Just one problem, I have a naked screaming kid with an enlarged butt-hole and no suppositories. So, I called MY mommy. I sent her on a mission to bring me the cone-shaped wonders.

As soon as I hung up with her, Tavin stood up and let out a piercing scream and there was a kir-plunk into the bathwater. A poop! A split second later, another. My son gave birth… to twins! As soon as I congratulated him on his BIG accomplishment, I flipped him over and checked to make sure he hadn’t ripped the crap out of his butt.

Then, with perfect timing, the nurse called to whom I explained that all was well and that my son was now the proud father of twins. She decided to tell me anyway that I should feed my kid more whole grains and fruit as I thought to myself, ”Hey thanks for the lecture lady!”

With the commotion settled, I scooped up the poops and dropped them into the toilet, re-ran the bathwater and gave my son a proper bath and finally got him to bed.

As I walked out of his room I was faced with the aftermath to clean up including, my own drenched clothing, poop towels and bath toys that needed sterilizing. Yet, I was relieved and had never been happier in my life to flush two turds down the toilet. I ALMOST took a picture, but decided against it at the last minute… Lucky you!