Jokes aside, we rarely curse… I can’t believe THIS is the word he decides to mimic. My husband had been telling me that Tavin, my son, was saying the F word, but I kept telling him he must be mistaken.  Then I heard it for myself, perfectly enunciating the “fff” and the “ckkk.”

This all took place as we (my husband, son and I) were jammed in like sardines at a Paradise Bakery. You know what I’m talking about… The tables are so close the person next to you has to rub their butt across the side of your table to get to theirs. Well anyway, we just got our food and as I started to unwrap his sandwich, my sweet little boy YELLED fuck, fuck, FUCK! …and then a few more F-bombs as I tried to compose myself like a kid with the giggles at church.

I was speechless! I was the mom with the unruly child! What do you say to that? …”Oh honey, where ever did you learn to say such a word?!”

Now it’s a regular, daily occurrence to hear him drop F-bombs. In fact, this morning I heard him saying it through the monitor first thing when he woke up. I really don’t think he actually knows what he’s saying or how to use it because he says it when he’s happy, mad, pointing at something, walking around, jibber jabbing… whatever. I’ve tried “replacing” the word in his vocabulary by correcting him to say FUN, but it’s barely working.

Does anyone else have a sailor-mouthed child or have dealt with a situation like this before? How can I fix this?! I really don’t want to get a note home from Sunday school…

The Safe Haven Law is a measure to protect babies. It is a safe alternative for mothers who, for whatever reason, need to give up their baby immediately. This law is to protect babies from the unthinkable, to give them a second chance and in my opinion, is a blessing in and of itself.  

It is true that this is an unfortunate circumstance and yes, the reality here is very sad, but thankfully it’s not the end to this baby’s story.

It was like I had a new child. Apparently I just needed to slow down and put first things first. It was a little shaky working out the kinks, but all in all I decided that Tavin was being a normal baby this whole time and I was the one who needed to be put in check. I am so glad I recognized this and hope whenever anyone in our family starts to get off kilter we can be in tune enough to notice and work it out.

Now, the reason I titled this post “That’s the thing about unconditional love…” is because I think it’s important to note that I never stopped loving my baby like crazy. Even during this hard time, there were still some good times and most nights I still got my kiss from him at bedtime. This parenting thing is harder than I ever imagined, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

In the winter this wouldn’t be a probelm… last winter he didn’t wake up until 9 a.m. Now that it’s summertime, it’s 6:15 on the dot every day which means I need to wake up by 5:30 to get myself together in time.

I’m fine with this all, but I’m so curious about what other mom’s do to get ready if they have their little ankle biter to tend to. How do you get them to play with their toys rather than going through your hair ties?

I can say with 99.9% certainty that I am done having babies, or I guess I should say baby. As in, we have one and now we’re done. This little family of three feels just right to me.

Oh, the horror! Say it isn’t so!

Was it a rough pregnancy? Did something happen during labor? Did you guys have a hard time getting pregnant the first time? Oh, was she a difficult, colicky baby?  Is it because she’s in the terrible twos right now? These are just a few of the (somewhat annoying) questions I often have to field. Not that I mind when they come from people I’m close to, but more often they seem to come unsolicited from strangers. I even got the “it’s time to start working on the next one” comment from the freakin’ pest control guy today! Really? What the hell does it matter to him how many times my husband and I choose to reproduce?!?! Just spray for bugs and move on, please! Who’s the real pest here? Ugh.

Not that I truly feel any obligation to answer those who ask, but no, I had a very easy pregnancy (even if I wasn’t one of those women who feel their most beautiful with a bun in the oven – can you hear the click-clack of my eyes rolling around right now?); delivery was by no means easy but it wasn’t traumatic, either; our daughter has been nothing short of a dream baby and a wonderful toddler; and, no, there were no problems getting out of the starting gate… just to clear the air there.

Then there’s the “well-meaning” mom of eight I ran into at the park the other day, trying to convince a woman she literally just met that having an only child is somehow mean and selfish. Do you think I haven’t considered the argument that my husband and I will someday be gone and then my daughter will have no one? Weak. Is that even a legitimate reason to bring another person into this world – so my daughter can have a playmate and someone to watch mom and dad grow old with? Does having siblings somehow ensure that you’ll never have a lonely moment ever in your life?

Here’s how I see it:

My plan is to help this little child learn good social skills and grow up to be a kind, caring and intelligent adult. I hope this translates into many fulfilling relationships. She’ll have best friends that will feel like sisters or brothers to her. She has cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. It’s not like she’s being raised in complete solitude just because she’s an only child. And someday (hopefully a day that won’t come too quickly), she’ll find a life partner and likely have a family of her own, the size of which will be their choosing. Isn’t that who will be there for her when we no longer are?

Will she look back and wish she had a brother or sister in her life, someone to complain about mom and dad with, someone to have her back no matter what? Possibly. But will she know that she was loved and appreciated just as much as any other kid? Most definitely.

Sometimes I start to feel like there may be something wrong with me because so few people seem to share my feelings on having just one kid. There are many reasons for my husband and I coming to the conclusion that we’re good on the kid front but the important thing is that we agree on it. We’re very happy with the status quo. I love being a mom more than anything and I’ve enjoyed every phase of the journey so far, but I never get that pang when I see a baby that I want to do it again.

I know I left the door open a sliver with my 99.9% assuredness of being done so I’ll never say never. But, for now, life is perfect just the way it is. Anyone else out there happy to be a mom of one? Do you get people trying to convince you all the time that you HAVE to have more?

For a while, I’d have frustrations and would email them to my sister or a few close girlfriends. Now, I go online and post it as my Facebook status. Within minutes, I’ll have three or four moms comment with their familiar experience or advice. We have a Twitter account for this blog too and I go there sometimes to ask questions I don’t necessarily want to tweet with my PR and media friends.  Basically, Social Media has made parenting a little easier. It may not solve the issue at hand every time but at least I can get some instant sympathy or answers. I don’t know if I could handle calling people all day to ask questions or vent frustrations. I’d never get anything done. Plus, I don’t have any neighbors who I can just pop in to see and talk to about baby stuff. All their kids are grown and adults.

I guess in the days before the internet, moms got out more. Or made a lot of phone calls. Or just dealt with stuff. Nothing has been earth-shattering horrific…just issues about sleeping habits or eating habits and playing alone, etc. But, it is really nice to have social media to keep me connected. And sane.

I’d love to hear about other blogs or sites you go to get help or advice on your parenting issues/questions.  And if you are on Twitter, let us know!

Tavin and I were like oil and vinegar on this particular morning and after one final melt down from him, I sat on the couch and started crying. Then, I see Tavin get up, run into his play room, grab a ball and gesture to play with me. I sat there thinking, I’m a bigger baby than he is! We both get frustrated, but his bouncback rate is like two seconds and mine is, well, after nap time. I couldn’t help but think of what a big baby I was and why couldn’t I be more like him that morning. I’m supposed to be the strong one and he ended up picking me up.

Everyone says that this age (19 months) is THE BEST, but I just don’t get it. I haven’t questioned my desire to have more than one kid since he was a newborn. Now and then were the only two times when I thought Bruce should go get snipped… ASAP. 

If any of you pros out there have any advice on turning “Just trying to survive” into “I have so much energy and fun I can’t stand it,” PLEASE share.

I have to admit I was taken back a bit. I mean, I get that you’re frustrated because you can’t even hear yourself think, but if you take a look at your little girl you’d see she was extremely frustrated and then… embarrassed. My heart broke for the little girl. But I thought… I’ve so been there. I’ve been that mom who just needed one freaking second to accomplish SOMETHING… ANYTHING. But you know what, I’ve learned that’s just not the case most of the time and I have to remind myself what’s more important… first things first. I can’t… I WON”T be that mom in the grocery store. 

Now I’m not on a high horse or anything because I am FAR from being a patient parent. I’ve snapped at Tavin, I’ve broke down when everything isn’t going the way it should. But I always try… and I think that counts for something and I think the more I try the more Tavin will notice and hopefuly forgive those times when I loose my cool.

In fact, my favorite wardrobe “trick” I happened to learn when I was pregnant and unshamefuly still sport today. You know what I’m talking about… the rubber band trick. Yeah, I’m super proud that I can fit back into my jeans, but the truth is, they just don’t look the same with the leftover love handles bulging out the sides. AND If I get a bigger size, I’ve got and air butt… so I turned back to the trusty rubber band to keep the fit and relieve the fat… wait… “motherly stores” HAHAHA! (Side note: that’s what one of my pregnancy books called the fat you gain from being prego. It made me feel better at the time, now I just think it’s hilarious.)

So back to my rubber bands… the other night when I was trying to convince my 15-year-old brother that getting gages in his ears are a bad idea because look what happened to my belly button after a piercing (and pregnancy, but hey, I was trying to sway him), I proceeded to pull up my shirt in the middle of the parking lot where we had just finished eating to scare the crap out of him only for the focus to be redirected to my rubber band!

Up until that point, I think I may have still had some cool points leftover from being his cool older sister with the car and cute fiends, but I’m sad to say, I think I’m now just a mom in a weird version of mom jeans to him. I swear I got the look he always gives our mom… the, “you don’t even know what you’re talking about” look. Yeah, well… at least my love handles are comfortable! Take that!

When you walk down the aisle and pledge yourself to the love of your life, your dating days are supposed to be over, right? Phew. I was never a fan of the awkwardness of it all. Pining for the call from someone you’re interested in or dodging the calls from someone you’re not. Rules about how long to wait before calling; who calls next; emotional rollercoasters. Bleh.

I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that BS anymore! Oh wait. I’m a mom now! I left my job (a.k.a. my substitute for a social life) and decided to work from home. Well, it’s getting a little lonely over here in my WAHM bubble. Sooo, I’m now “dating” again – only this time it’s moms and kids I’m courting… and who knew that was going to suck even more than dating?!

And seriously, seeking out good mom friends is no easy task.  Not only do you have to like each other and want to hang out, but your kids have to be at least relatively close to the same age or playdates just don’t work well. It also helps if you have similar parenting styles, groundrules and values; AND you really need to find gals that live near you in order to be able to get together regularly.  That’s a tiny laundry list of prerequisites, no? How hard could it be? Ha!

I live in what I always thought was a very family-friendly place so why is it so hard to find friends around here? Some days when I drag my kid to the park, I have to admit, I do it because I’m secretly hoping my new BFF just might be there looking for me, too. More often than not, when I do see other moms, they’re already surrounded by friends and don’t appear to have room for one more. Even though we have nice conversation, I start to get the “she’s just not that into you” feeling (maybe my desperation is showing?).  Or, sometimes I just don’t feel it for them. Either way, woe is me.

Yes, I have my best girlfriends that go back to way before we all had offspring and I love them dearly. But I am locationally challenged in respect to hanging out with them (Arizona to Maine doesn’t exactly allow for getting together very often). Even my buds that technically live in the same metro area as me are clear on the other side of the Valley; therefore, get-togethers require major planning and one or both of us racking up major miles and time to make it happen.

What I’m dying for is a friend – or two but I should refrain from getting greedy – that is right around the corner. Someone I can go for impromptu walks with or just have a quick coffee while our kiddos frolic. Is that too much to ask?

But then it happened. I met someone at the park a few weeks ago.  A wonderful mom who I could instantly relate to – and she had a daughter only a couple of months older than mine! Kismet! We chatted for a bit while our kids played together like the little cherubs that they are (okay, so they just looked at each other and went about their own business in that typical toddler way but I can visualize them playing together angelically, anyway).

I actually worked up the cajones to awkwardly ask for her number then walked home with that giddy, optimistic “I hope she calls me” excitement.  How lame am I, huh?  We had a couple of fun get togethers but the last few times we’ve tried to plan something, one or the other of us has managed to hit a roadblock and the playdate is off. Argh! We’re shooting for another attempt later this week but after a while so much planning and canceling gets weird. Friendships take work to cultivate, I know. I just wish it wasn’t quite SO hard to get there.

What else can I do to make new mommy friends? Do you rely on the people you knew before kids or have you forged solid relationships with new friends? How did you meet them?